the time has come for colds and overcoats

so it's basically fall, or fall weather at least. which means i have a conundrum for the next 2 or so months: suffer allergies and struggle to breathe, or take allergy meds and basically live the next few months stoned out of my mind. or sleeping. decisions, decisions. i already miss summer.

gutted

everything has been hitting me hard lately. the dreams, the case i was assigned at jury duty. then i unexpectedly broke down at blink during adam's song (which i have no trouble listening to at home). now all this stuff with dj am and they're saying it might have been suicide. it's everywhere i fucking look. it's a lie that it gets easier, it gets fucking harder (that's what she said). i still feel guilty. i'd give everything i'd ever known to go back in time 2 years to make one extra phone call.

the offer still stands... if you ever need to talk, at anytime, please call me. i don't care if it's 5am, it's not like i sleep anyway. i know we all have hard times, but if you could ever live with one day of the guilt i carry, i know you'd never consider anything that drastic.

also remember hopeline.com

sorry for the debbie downer post, but i had to get that out there
now onto another sleepless night...

same shit different day

hanging in... i was up for an amazing/long/good $$ tour and i didn't get it. been trying to cheer myself up with random adventures. for instance, last week seth green and gym class heroes came to wow skating rink. very interesting. this weekend was fitzy's birthday and that was a blast. leave it to the boys to cheer me up. last night pat realized we've been friends for 19 years now. talk about a mind fuck. now tomorrow i have jury duty and i feel like that's just going to be a barrel of fun. in short life is crappy these days, but it's the little things that make it tolerable. like bouncing souls weekend. psyched!

sorry blog

such a blog slacker i've become. maybe because it's just been a whole lot of the same going on. going to warped tomorrow, which is cool and frustrating since i thought i had that locked down months ago. this will be my 10th anniversary. ironically i won my 99 tix from y100, possibly from someone who's now an amazing friend. warped 99 really was my big eye opener and changed a lot of things for me. the first time i ever saw blink, the bouncing souls, less than jake, pennywise, h20, etc etc etc. but anyway. there's a lot of shit in the lineup this year and i'm sure i will feel old and cranky but i refuse to be one of those people who's all "oh i'm sooo old for this". then guess what, stay home. ignore all the drum tracked shit and go see bad religion.

maybe we're the lucky ones, cause we can choose to turn it off

ahh i love songs that still make your heart skip and stomach drop no matter how many times you listen to them. the loved ones' "the odds" is def in my top 5 forever. the first and last lines alone make that song perfection. why is that band not bigger?

(and for the record, their cover of coma girl is also a++... and i'm really picky about clash/joe strummer covers)

heart to heart

last weekend we held yet another epic party at 314. a very old friend showed up and we got to talking. another mutual friend just turned 25 and was having a total meltdown about not being "married with babies". what is that all about anyway?? that is the last thing on my mind. as my birthday approaches, my biggest desire is for another bunk on a tour bus. i think i was born without the girly romance and wedding and baby gene. no thanks. facebook has provided a constant reminder of high school "friends" (i use the term lightly because i basically hated everyone there but they've all decided to add me on facebook as of late, whatever) are having epic weddings and babies and whatnot. and i mean, good for them. whatever makes you happy. i just still feel light years away from all of that, if ever. but back to said party friend, apparently we were the only people at the party who had no desire for relationships and cohabitation and babies. so at least i know now that one day when i am old and gray i still have a partner in crime. good times.

"that's a dealbreaker, ladies!"

how old is too old? my friend, who is 25, was about to start seeing this guy but found out he was 40. i was on the fence with the situation, trying with that whole "age is just a number" reasoning but i can't think of what i'd do if i were in her situation. so what is the cut off point?