the time has come for colds and overcoats

so it's basically fall, or fall weather at least. which means i have a conundrum for the next 2 or so months: suffer allergies and struggle to breathe, or take allergy meds and basically live the next few months stoned out of my mind. or sleeping. decisions, decisions. i already miss summer.

gutted

everything has been hitting me hard lately. the dreams, the case i was assigned at jury duty. then i unexpectedly broke down at blink during adam's song (which i have no trouble listening to at home). now all this stuff with dj am and they're saying it might have been suicide. it's everywhere i fucking look. it's a lie that it gets easier, it gets fucking harder (that's what she said). i still feel guilty. i'd give everything i'd ever known to go back in time 2 years to make one extra phone call.

the offer still stands... if you ever need to talk, at anytime, please call me. i don't care if it's 5am, it's not like i sleep anyway. i know we all have hard times, but if you could ever live with one day of the guilt i carry, i know you'd never consider anything that drastic.

also remember hopeline.com

sorry for the debbie downer post, but i had to get that out there
now onto another sleepless night...